Info is Power

I just want to thank everyone for your calls and messages. Ever since I've finally started to talk about our concerns with Sadie, I've gotten so much help and so many suggestions. A friend in my ward put me in contact with a lady in Orange County that went through the same thing with her son and she gave me so much info. I guess there is a California Department of Development and they apparently have regional centers everywhere. Anyway I called the regional center for my county and they are going to send someone to my home to assess my child. If they feel she is behind in development they will help me out with additional services. This process will take a couple weeks but  it is all at no cost. So I feel like I'm doing something (while I'm waiting for the hearing test which is so far away). I don't understand why doctors don't offer up this information to you! I mean really, I feel so empowered by this little bit of info that was not easy to come by. So I am going to keep everyone updated incase you come across someone having similar issues.  Thank you everyone again for your lovely words and help.  

Having a bad night

I am in tears tonight, I am frustrated and just plain desperate! I figured I would  just to vent to my dear friends and family who are my blog readers. I haven't mentioned much the problems Sadie is having. She is 20 moths old in 4 days and she is still not walking or saying any words.  My other huge concern is that she won't respond to her name or anything unless she can see me. I've known there is something wrong for a few months. The thought that there was anything mentally wrong with her was just devastating to me. Not that I would love her any less but I would just be sad for anything she would miss out on. As I watch her more and more I've realized that mentally she is a bright little girl. She remembers routines, she mimics movements, she remembers hand motions to songs. She does pretty much what any other 20 month old can do except walk and talk. I saw my doctor last month and he was a little concerned about her not responding but not about her walking. He had her do a hyper-thyroid blood test, I guess that can cause slow development, but it came back negative. He mentioned that maybe we should do a hearing test but if one was done when she was a newborn (which it was) then that probably wasn't a problem. This left me with the usual solution everyone gives me which is just wait a couple months she will start when she wants. I can only thrive off that for so long people! I just feel like every week I let pass by is crucial development time and I'm not doing anything to help her. After a couple days of thinking I called the doctor back to ask about the hearing test. He had me call the San diego Children's Hospital and they explained a little more. They want to do a BAER -Brainstem Auditory Evoked Response test. They would have to sedate Sadie (scary) and monitor her brain activity during a series of sounds. I immediately felt like I needed to do this test no matter what so they checked their schedule and the soonest test available is the end of Aug! Are you kidding me! That is forever away. They said there is always cancellations due to kids being sick so that is what I am praying for, not so much that other peoples kids will be sick but that there will be a cancellation soon. In the meantime I am researching any other possible problems. I've even heard that a food allergy can cause slow development in walking and talking so like I said I'm desperate and just trying to get answers so we can help her as early as possible. Loss of hearing fits the best( in my mind) so far. Maybe it contributes to her equilibrium being off and thats why she won't walk without help. I truly hope and pray she is just taking her sweet time and nothing is wrong, however I feel like I need to know if there is something wrong  just in case so we can deal with it early on. I never knew I could feel so helpless as a mom. I wish scheduling happened on a desperation basis I would win a sooner date on their calendar for sure. I realize that their are so many other parents that have to deal with more difficult circumstances, people I hear about and people I know, I just want to know what our circumstance is. Goodness I'm going on and on but it does feel good to talk or write about it.

To Jessi:

My little sis is graduating! I'm so excited for you Jess. This will be such a fun time in your life. Make the most of it. You have time to take risks and follow dreams. Be brave or fake it! The appearance of confidence will get you where you want to be. This is also the time to get ahead and plan for your future before the family you will have someday makes beautiful ripples in your water that is your ever changing life. Know that sometimes you can paddle to your hearts content but sometimes the current takes you to better places. I love You. Love, Nick

Sadie's going to be a big sis!

Okay so I haven't blogged in forever and this is why.... we are expecting baby number 2 ("the duce"-for you Dana)!!!!!! We are so excited! This baby is due around Dec 30th!!! Holidays will be crazy this year but maybe it will help the end not drag on forever. Although we are so delighted it is has been hard for me to find joy in spending all my time with my head in the toilet or laying lifeless on the couch. I have tried to be creative with activities for Sadie besides watching her shows and reading books, but it is quite difficult when you can't even lift your head. Any ideas? We took out a box of oatmeal and cups and let her go to town on her craft mat while I laid there on the floor, she had a blast. Today is one of the first days I feel slightly normal plus my friend Angelina, at the salon just trimmed and styled my hair for me so I actually look normal for once (why does that always make a world of difference?). Anyways I'm feeling better and so I thought I should catch up on blogging while this lasts.