The Nuerologist

The neurologist appointment was not fun, not like I was expecting it to be anyway. I tried to prepare myself for basically not getting any more information then what I already knew. It wouldn't be fair to myself to go in there and hope for the doctor to say "oh there's nothing wrong with your perfectly beautiful child. She's going to be fine go on with life as normal". Well of course I did wish that he would say that but I did try really hard not to let myself wish. Instead I got a very blunt "Well this looks like a standard Autism case to me, but just in case we will run some tests". I have already heard from therapists that she may have autism, Micah and I have come to this realization, but when it's spelled out by a Neurologist it hurt all over again. I wanted to die right there in his cozy office chair but only for a second, I quickly realized that I can't die for numerous reasons, so the sadness is tucked away for me to feel at some other time when I'm not so busy.

Next week Sadie is having genetic testing and an MRI to rule out anything else. She has started therapy with the autism therapists 5 days a week and physical therapy twice a week. The neurologist wants me to get an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist but collectively with Sadie's therapists I've decided to wait for that until next year. I'm getting all the possible help I can get even with a diagnosis and the typical time to diagnose a child for autism is about three.

Micah and I are staying hopeful. We are dedicated to spending every moment we can on trying to pull her out of this. The hard times come when we are trying to get her to ask for something or do something and you can see it in her eyes that she is trying so hard to process it but gets so frustrated and starts to cry, so many times we look at each other and cry with her. There are little victories though and that helps get us through. She has started to say "No" to us and we have been absolutely thrilled! So far she just says "More" and "no". Last weekend we were working on "go" after "ready, set GO!" We were at my in laws blowing bubbles trying to make her say "go" to get bubbles and she started to make a noise after "ready set" it sounds more like "mo" right now but my mother in law, sister in law, Holly and I were jumping up and down in excitement! So little things like that are rewarding.

We love our Sadie and her funny little personality. I would never want to change it. I just want to help her to be able to learn and grow. For some reason heavenly father thought we could handle this challenge. I don't know why yet. I just keep receiving a feeling of peace and I know that everything is going to be just fine no matter what. I'm so grateful that there is so much being researched about autism now and there is so much help available. It is nice to not be doing all this completely by myself.