Going to the dark side

So the past few months I've been giving in to my ever darkening roots and traded in my super blond for copper. I think I'm getting used to it. I do like the way it matches my freckles. What do you think?

Catching up

I apologize for my lack of blogging. To catch everyone up, My due date is Dec. 28th. This last week I had to go to the hospital twice to stop labor. The doctor said next time it happens they will just deliver the baby, so now I'm on bed rest with tons of time to catch up on blogging. I'm really trying to keep this baby in for at least a couple more weeks and Micah is really trying to avoid the uncomfortable hospital chairs so he's been super man, dad, husband all at once. Sadie is still not walking so Micah has been able to stay home to be with her most days. My friends have wanted to see my pregnant belly so here it is. As for the full body shot, get real people, I just went threw partial labor twice and I look like death! And now I will continue to journal all my October events here at the end of Nov. Oh well:)

sweet spoons

I love sweet little things like this! My inlaws got me these lovely measuring spoons for my birthday! They're from my favorite store, anthropologie.

The Birthday Card

You know how kids will like the box that there toy came in more than the toy? Well in this case my parents got Sadie a card that played "The Hamster Dance" when you open it and at the time she completely forgot about any birthday presents. (Don't forget to turn off my side music player before pressing play).

Sadie's 2nd Birthday

We had a fabulous Charlie and Lola party for Sadie! She had so much fun! My friend made these super cute Charlie and Lola cakes (the small one gluten free for Sadie's special diet). Sadie truly enjoyed opening her presents. She seemed to relish in each one. It was so fun to watch her. At my in laws she received numerous Charlie and Lola dolls, hand bells (Micah's favorite) and many other fun presents. Micah and I decided to get her a trampoline to help loosen up her legs, plus she loves jumping! She enjoys taking a Lola doll and jumping to music. It's so very cute!

The Dairy

My apologies for not blogging for quite sometime. We have been so completely busy, so I have much to catch up on. On this particular day we went to a little dairy farm with some friends. Sadie really enjoyed all the animals. It made me think of when I was younger and would go visit my grandparents farm every year in Oregon. As soon as I attempted to set Sadie in the hay I took in that grassy, earthy smell and all those wonderful memories came to me. The excitement of feeding the chickens their corn, baby kittens in the hay barn, baby cows Grandpa John would name after us. I wish I could make these kind of memories for Sadie. Some how I don't see Micah and I as the rancher type though. (Sigh) Oh well.

Sadie's first haircut

I finally decided to trim up Sadie's hair. She was looking a bit like a wild child with her crazy curls on top and her self made fringe (hairdresser lingo for bangs). She was so completely well behaved. I just put her in her high chair in front of an episode of Charlie and Lola and she was loving life. Oh and she insisted on holding the new comb I got out for her so that she could help me brush every so often.

Little Victories!

We have had a few rough days dealing with all this but it has been followed by a few great days. Sadie has started to try and take steps!!!!! She has gotten up to four unassisted steps! The best part is that she keeps on trying. Every time she wants to get some were she will try to take a step and then fall but it is so exciting to actually have her try on her own! It is these "little victories" that make all the hard work worth it! The people close to me know that my biggest fear in life is that I won't be a good attentive mom. I've realized that this trial really makes me be a better mom. I have no other option but to be strong and do everything I can to help my Sadie. I really think Heavenly Father gave me this trial to make me the best mom I can be for her.

Our families and friends have been so supportive. It's hard for Micah and I to ever feel alone in this when there is so much love surrounding us and for that I am so grateful. Thank you everyone for your prayers, support and your help finding me info on autism. Googling "autism" can be overwhelming sometimes so I really do love it when someones sends me a worth while link or article. Sadie's MRI and Genetic evaluation this week went fine. We won't get any results until next week but I'll keep everyone updated.

The Nuerologist

The neurologist appointment was not fun, not like I was expecting it to be anyway. I tried to prepare myself for basically not getting any more information then what I already knew. It wouldn't be fair to myself to go in there and hope for the doctor to say "oh there's nothing wrong with your perfectly beautiful child. She's going to be fine go on with life as normal". Well of course I did wish that he would say that but I did try really hard not to let myself wish. Instead I got a very blunt "Well this looks like a standard Autism case to me, but just in case we will run some tests". I have already heard from therapists that she may have autism, Micah and I have come to this realization, but when it's spelled out by a Neurologist it hurt all over again. I wanted to die right there in his cozy office chair but only for a second, I quickly realized that I can't die for numerous reasons, so the sadness is tucked away for me to feel at some other time when I'm not so busy.

Next week Sadie is having genetic testing and an MRI to rule out anything else. She has started therapy with the autism therapists 5 days a week and physical therapy twice a week. The neurologist wants me to get an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist but collectively with Sadie's therapists I've decided to wait for that until next year. I'm getting all the possible help I can get even with a diagnosis and the typical time to diagnose a child for autism is about three.

Micah and I are staying hopeful. We are dedicated to spending every moment we can on trying to pull her out of this. The hard times come when we are trying to get her to ask for something or do something and you can see it in her eyes that she is trying so hard to process it but gets so frustrated and starts to cry, so many times we look at each other and cry with her. There are little victories though and that helps get us through. She has started to say "No" to us and we have been absolutely thrilled! So far she just says "More" and "no". Last weekend we were working on "go" after "ready, set GO!" We were at my in laws blowing bubbles trying to make her say "go" to get bubbles and she started to make a noise after "ready set" it sounds more like "mo" right now but my mother in law, sister in law, Holly and I were jumping up and down in excitement! So little things like that are rewarding.

We love our Sadie and her funny little personality. I would never want to change it. I just want to help her to be able to learn and grow. For some reason heavenly father thought we could handle this challenge. I don't know why yet. I just keep receiving a feeling of peace and I know that everything is going to be just fine no matter what. I'm so grateful that there is so much being researched about autism now and there is so much help available. It is nice to not be doing all this completely by myself.

Sadie's new Chair

Sadie has been having with the laundry basket. She thought it was the greatest thing when we sat a pillow in it and let her sit and watch her shows. Of course she stoped cracking up when I busted out the camera. Why do they do that? Her new favorite show right now is "Charlie and Lola". It is absolutely the most adorable show ever! Sadie gets so excited when it comes on she jumps up and down and she giggles all throughout which makes me excited because that means she is comprehending somewhat of whats going on not to mention it's so cute when she does it. I just love the little things that make her happy.

a little Sadie update

Sadie went to her physical therapist for the first time. The place was so great, it was better then a Chucky Cheese. Sadie loved it! But the therapist said she was baffled by Sadie and couldn't figure out why she wasn't walking She said she was a "puzzle". I replied with " Yes she's my puzzle and it's my job to figure this out!". Why can't anyone have some little clue?! The therapist was super nice though and she implored me to see a neurologist so that is what we are doing next week. Maybe then I will get a piece to my puzzle.

It's a BOY!!!!!!!

We are having a boy! Yikes! I'm so excited but so surprised at the same time! My family is full of girls so this will be quite a change for me! To tell my little sisters the happy news we dropped off a pack of blue Jones soda with a big blue bow at there door. It took them a second to get it (except Jessi she got it right away) but I think they were excited. Micah's mom is bracing me for a little Micah. The crazy stories about her mischievous little boy used to be funny but now I'm scared! Well it will be fun anyway!

Colorado

Micah and I haven't taken a vacation with just our family since our Honeymoon so he came home from work one day and said lets go to Colorado! I was all about this idea, first of all because my husband has never suggested a vacation and second he served his mission there so I knew we would both enjoy it. First we stayed in Colorado Springs at a beautiful hotel called the Broadmoor. Our view was awesome. Everything about this place was awesome. It was right against the mountains. I loved staying there! If I could live at the Broadmoore I would live in Colorado Springs! We went to the Cheyenne Mountain zoo. You can get really close to the animals which was fun. Sadie fed a giraffe. She wasn't sure if she liked that or not.

Our view!!!

Happy after a long day at the zoo!

After Colorado Springs we went and stayed in Downtown Denver at this boutique hotel called Hotel Monaco. They put us in " the 60's artists suite"! We are talking beads, lava lamps and a giant peace sign! I thought it was so fabulous! Micah on the other hand was not expecting such a hippie room. He picked the hotel so there wasn't much grounds to argue. At this hotel they bring you a gold fish to be your pet during the stay. Sadie was over the moon about this! Of course we had to get her one as soon as we got home. I loved staying here, you could walk all over downtown to shops and restaurants. The city was so fun and surprisingly clean.

We went to the Denver art museum and the Natural Science museum . We tried to cram in all we could without me getting too winded being almost 5 months pregnant and all. It was a super fun trip . It was fun to see everywhere Micah lived on his mission and all the stories that went with it. I have a new appreciation for all he did there 7 years ago. Thanks for the fun vacation Love!!!

Match Box Twenty

This last Thursday I went out for a girls night with my sister in law Holy. It was so incredibly fun. We went browsing around South Coast Plaza then stuffed ourselves with the most divine dinner and then to top off the night we went to a Match Box Twenty concert. I remember being 14 years old and having a big crush on Rob Thomas. Any teenager who watched MTV and saw that "Push" video probably did. Any way I had to laugh at myself with how giddy I felt to finally see him live. He was so fantastic! I still wouldn't trade my Micah in for 100 Rob Thomas' but I did feel like a little girl with a tiny little crush. It was funny. It felt so good to go out and have fun. I really needed that!!!! So thanks Holly for sharing such a fun time with me!

Sand Sand Sand

So we finally made it to the beach this summer. It was such an exasperating event that it's taken me a couple of weeks just to write about it. I went with my friends and there little ones and let me just say that I could not have done that with out them! I feel so handicap being pregnant with a 35 pound child that can't walk yet. Thank goodness for those girls, I would have died just unloading and loading my car of all that is required to take an almost 2 year old to the beach. Lets just say that Sadie's excitment for the sand and ocean made it so worth it!  Unfortunatly my dream of taking a million adorable pictures of Sadie playing at the beach did not happen. Everytime I put her down this was her crawling sraight for the waves as fast as she could. She has no fear of the water and I could either wreck my camera and save my child from being washed away or take a picture of her being washed away sooo......

This is how we kept her ashore. Thankyou Mellisa for having the foresight to bring the baby pool! 

I think all of us moms are probly kicking ourselves for not taking a group picture of the kids but I know I wasn't the only one worn out and overwhelmed by the amount of sand these little ones managed to eat or rub in eyes, hair ,and EVERYWERE! The pictures I did manage to get will be fun to look back on. So here is Ellie. Her mom, my friend Roxanne is pregnant too! So we were helpless together.

Here is Aftyn, she loves the water and sand as much as Sadie.

Easton knew what I was up to and didn't want any part of it. Sorry Amy I tried!

The Assessment

Sadie had her assessment from the regional center on Monday. It was a very good experience. The nurse and therapist they sent were very pleasant and helpful. The therapist played with Sadie and did some simple tests while the nurse asked me questions about Sadie's behavior. In the end they both concluded that Sadie is extremely behind in receptive and expressive communication, gross motor(walking), and social and emotional skills. In Adaptive, Fine motor and cognitive she wasn't too behind in fact she was advanced in some things, so it was "scattered" as they say. The hardest part was them telling me that she had many red flags for autism. They assured me not to worry it wasn't a diagnosis but there is a lot of things she needs just incase. So they started today with therapy. The same therapist comes to my house twice a week to work with Sadie. Then we will be starting physical therapy soon once a week. Next month Sadie will be starting an autism program where someone will be coming to my home 9 hours a week, so everyday, to work on specific goals. I am just so grateful there is help like this out there! It is such a blessing, this whole program is at no cost. I just feel like sharing all this because if someone didn't share there experience with me I would not know what to do and may have wasted more precious time. I'm trying to stay very positive, but I do have to be prepared that it will take at least a couple years of this to catch her up and depending on her diagnosis it could be a life long process. Every time  we look at Sadie we feel so blessed to have her sweet spirit in or family. Micah and I would do anything in the world for her and now we feel like we are actually doing something to help her be able to learn, grow and understand better and that feels like such a relief!

The Bathing Beauty

Summer time is Sadie's season! She is loving the water! I have been taking more and more trips to the community pool and in-between she is all about Nana's baby pool or this little water activity table we got for her to play with on the porch. I knew since she was in my tummy that she was going to be a water baby. Every time I would get in the pool for water aerobics or just for a swim she would kick like crazy! She has no fear (which probably isn't good). If I wasn't holding her in the pool she would try to jump in and swim herself. I can pretty much say that she doesn't ever put up much of a fuss for anything but when we pry her away from the water there is kicking and screaming like the world has never seen. I recently got Sadie in for her hearing test and of course her hearing is perfect, so now I feel like there is a million other things to eliminate. On the 14th a teacher and therapist from the regional center are coming to access her so I am waiting for that and then we will go from there. Thank you again for everyones help and concern.  In the mean time we will be making the most of this already super hot summer.

Info is Power

I just want to thank everyone for your calls and messages. Ever since I've finally started to talk about our concerns with Sadie, I've gotten so much help and so many suggestions. A friend in my ward put me in contact with a lady in Orange County that went through the same thing with her son and she gave me so much info. I guess there is a California Department of Development and they apparently have regional centers everywhere. Anyway I called the regional center for my county and they are going to send someone to my home to assess my child. If they feel she is behind in development they will help me out with additional services. This process will take a couple weeks but  it is all at no cost. So I feel like I'm doing something (while I'm waiting for the hearing test which is so far away). I don't understand why doctors don't offer up this information to you! I mean really, I feel so empowered by this little bit of info that was not easy to come by. So I am going to keep everyone updated incase you come across someone having similar issues.  Thank you everyone again for your lovely words and help.  

Having a bad night

I am in tears tonight, I am frustrated and just plain desperate! I figured I would  just to vent to my dear friends and family who are my blog readers. I haven't mentioned much the problems Sadie is having. She is 20 moths old in 4 days and she is still not walking or saying any words.  My other huge concern is that she won't respond to her name or anything unless she can see me. I've known there is something wrong for a few months. The thought that there was anything mentally wrong with her was just devastating to me. Not that I would love her any less but I would just be sad for anything she would miss out on. As I watch her more and more I've realized that mentally she is a bright little girl. She remembers routines, she mimics movements, she remembers hand motions to songs. She does pretty much what any other 20 month old can do except walk and talk. I saw my doctor last month and he was a little concerned about her not responding but not about her walking. He had her do a hyper-thyroid blood test, I guess that can cause slow development, but it came back negative. He mentioned that maybe we should do a hearing test but if one was done when she was a newborn (which it was) then that probably wasn't a problem. This left me with the usual solution everyone gives me which is just wait a couple months she will start when she wants. I can only thrive off that for so long people! I just feel like every week I let pass by is crucial development time and I'm not doing anything to help her. After a couple days of thinking I called the doctor back to ask about the hearing test. He had me call the San diego Children's Hospital and they explained a little more. They want to do a BAER -Brainstem Auditory Evoked Response test. They would have to sedate Sadie (scary) and monitor her brain activity during a series of sounds. I immediately felt like I needed to do this test no matter what so they checked their schedule and the soonest test available is the end of Aug! Are you kidding me! That is forever away. They said there is always cancellations due to kids being sick so that is what I am praying for, not so much that other peoples kids will be sick but that there will be a cancellation soon. In the meantime I am researching any other possible problems. I've even heard that a food allergy can cause slow development in walking and talking so like I said I'm desperate and just trying to get answers so we can help her as early as possible. Loss of hearing fits the best( in my mind) so far. Maybe it contributes to her equilibrium being off and thats why she won't walk without help. I truly hope and pray she is just taking her sweet time and nothing is wrong, however I feel like I need to know if there is something wrong  just in case so we can deal with it early on. I never knew I could feel so helpless as a mom. I wish scheduling happened on a desperation basis I would win a sooner date on their calendar for sure. I realize that their are so many other parents that have to deal with more difficult circumstances, people I hear about and people I know, I just want to know what our circumstance is. Goodness I'm going on and on but it does feel good to talk or write about it.

To Jessi:

My little sis is graduating! I'm so excited for you Jess. This will be such a fun time in your life. Make the most of it. You have time to take risks and follow dreams. Be brave or fake it! The appearance of confidence will get you where you want to be. This is also the time to get ahead and plan for your future before the family you will have someday makes beautiful ripples in your water that is your ever changing life. Know that sometimes you can paddle to your hearts content but sometimes the current takes you to better places. I love You. Love, Nick

Sadie's going to be a big sis!

Okay so I haven't blogged in forever and this is why.... we are expecting baby number 2 ("the duce"-for you Dana)!!!!!! We are so excited! This baby is due around Dec 30th!!! Holidays will be crazy this year but maybe it will help the end not drag on forever. Although we are so delighted it is has been hard for me to find joy in spending all my time with my head in the toilet or laying lifeless on the couch. I have tried to be creative with activities for Sadie besides watching her shows and reading books, but it is quite difficult when you can't even lift your head. Any ideas? We took out a box of oatmeal and cups and let her go to town on her craft mat while I laid there on the floor, she had a blast. Today is one of the first days I feel slightly normal plus my friend Angelina, at the salon just trimmed and styled my hair for me so I actually look normal for once (why does that always make a world of difference?). Anyways I'm feeling better and so I thought I should catch up on blogging while this lasts.

Sandiego Wild Animal Park

It was a free day at the Wild Animal Park so my friend Amy and I braved the hot hot sun and crowds with our kids. It was actually quite fun and I think we can both agree we got some needed exercise and sun.

The rhinos were feeling generous and giving free rides as well.

What is Easton so concerned about?....

Ohhh!

All Dolled Up

It was my little sisters prom yesterday. Jessi and Cassi looked so beautiful! My other sister Jacki and I had fun getting them ready (like for the past three weeks). I forgot how much was involved in prom. A girl sure does go through a lot for this. Jessi went with her friend, Jared and Cassi went with her boyfriend ,Steven (lucky boys!). I remember back when they would play dress up and now they are gorgeous young women. Were did the time go?

I just LOVE them to pieces!

Jacki made Cassi's corsage and bu tinier. This picture does not do it justice, they were so lovely!