25 steps!!!!!!!

Sadie took 25 steps yesterday in physical therapy!!!!!!! She has also started to say AAHH OOO TEEEES!!! (Brush your teeth!) Soooo cute and the longest phrase ever!! We just love her! Her therapy and hard work is paying off! And little Micah is doing his job at looking cute and melting my heart.

I really dislike Doctors and I need more HOT water

The shower is my quiet time my only place to think. It's the place were no one bothers me. I can dream, cry , pray while practically burning hot water rushes over me. It's the 15 minutes a day I need to stay sane. Lately our hot water lasts about 4 minutes then goes to moderately warm and then on to cold. Hot water why have you forsaken me I need you! I know I sound ridiculous but instead of my meditation time I find myself wasting my shower wondering why the water isn't hot anymore.
The past week has been frustrating for me, (hence the reason why I need my lovely shower time). I went to my kid's pediatrician, Dr. Bakr, for little Micah's 2 month check up. I knew in my mind I was not going to give my baby any vaccines because of Sadie having possible Autism (they won't diagnose her till she is 3 ). I reminded the receptionist that I was going to hold off on the shots. I had both kids with me in the waiting room because I had to squeeze in the appointment in between Sadie's speech therapy and her physical therapy, in addition to her autism therapy we have every morning. Any how I was waiting to be called back when Dr. Bakr entered the waiting room and said " Mrs. Smith I don't see patients that won't take the vaccines" Now I have heard of doctors sometimes doing this but I didn't think it would happen to me. (Note to self if it can't happen to me: IT WILL!) I proceed to explain why I wasn't going to give the shots to my other child thinking he would understand. Nope, instead of understanding he replied with " Sadie has Autism?" My eyes were burning my jaw was clenched why was I still sitting there? He started to sense I was upset and proceeded to tell me vaccines don't cause autism, maybe he'll hold off on the MMR for a month, and he wasn't the one who gave Sadie her shots anyway. All I could muster up was " You have been her doctor her whole life" and then I left. I rolled my stroller out of the office with tears streaming down my face thinking, how can this doctor forget my daughter. I have been in his office a million times for referrals and blood test orders and really you can't remember my child! Yes he is the doctor that told me at 18 month I should not have any concerns about her not walking or talking or making eye contact. Shame on me for sticking with this guy! I just feel like a big idiot!
I understand (somewhat) why doctors don't want to see patients that won't take the vaccines. I am not going around saying that the vaccines gave my daughter autism. However I can't imagine the guilt I would feel if my son went through the same thing and I could have prevented it. In my mind and for MY situation it was too risky. I'm not terribly angry at the doctor for being really insensitive about the shots I'm livid because he could not remember my child and what she has to go through everyday.

Our Sweet Babes

My friend Maria took these beautiful pictures of our sweet little babies a couple weeks ago. Sadie was quite a challenge! She wants nothing to do with her little brother so it was impossible to get a picture of them together, it was kind of funny. The only way Sadie would look at the camera is if we sang "Chin up" from Charlotte's Web. Thank goodness Maria knew all the words. She again proved to be my best, most patient friend. Thanks Maria! I love you to bits!

9lbs. 3oz of joy!!!

He's finally here! On December 29th at 9:31 in the morning Micah Ashley Smith II was born. Yes he was quite big but I knew he would be for staying in soooo long. The second time around wasn't as scary, still as painful, not as scary. I didn't do the "just kidding I really don't want to have a baby today" thing. I did the "okay let's get this baby out!" thing this time. I got to hold him right away and it's in that moment when you can tell your self it was all worth it. He is so sweet and cute. He's already cracking smiles. Sadie is indifferent about her baby brother at the moment. She will only wave in his direction when we ask her were he is, it's kind of funny. Micah and I are happily enduring through this new adventure. Having two now is an adjustment, but we can tell as soon as we catch up on sleep it's going to be fun!

Christmas

Sing us a song your the piano man.....

sing us a song tonight.

Our fun Tree

I've had my tree up since before Thanksgiving, thinking this baby would come early. This is my first fake tree. I really love it! I just miss the smell but the conveniences at the moment overshadows that. I've always wanted a color coordinated tree so after Christmas last year I bought a bunch of clearance ornaments (that were toddler friendly). It was quite fun to pull them all out this year. So I'm sitting here STILL pregnant enjoying my fun tree.

Congradulations Dana!

My Mom finally graduated from the long grueling program called Nursing School! Yeah! We are all so proud of her!

Man-Leg

Sadie's favorite things in the world are fish and water. So naturally when we go over to the Smiths Sadie loves it when Grandpa takes her to the coy pond to feed the fish. There is a huge yellow fish that our nephew, Jonah ( when he was 4) appropriately named " Man-Leg" and a smaller one he named "Can-Leg". Sadie is always mesmerized by them, it's so cute!

Physical Tharapy

This is Sadie in her physical therapy. I know it looks crazy but she actually really does enjoy it. She loves it when she gets to jump on the trampoline. Her walking and talking is still coming along kind of slowly but we have alot of hope! As far as cognitively she is doing so great! When we first caught her delays she was about 14 months behind or more, now she is less then 6 months behind and mostly caught up in some areas. She is following directions and making eye contact so much better. We have been so excited! She is being more social and I think she is starting to call me "Ni Ni" when her dad asks her to point to me. She knows five colors and her basic shapes. I almost cried the other day when she pointed to the correct shape when I asked her about her peanut butter sandwich I cut with cookie cutters into stars and hearts. We still have a long road ahead but I am so grateful for her progress!! I just love my little babe. She has really taught us not to take all these little milestones for granted. Every little thing she learns is so precious to us. Today I received a link to a study that just came out confirming a link to murcury and Autism. I really hope this is just the start of more studies to come so that we can find out how to help our kids. Here it is if any one is interested:Landmark Study finds: Murcury poisoning causes Autism

Going to the dark side

So the past few months I've been giving in to my ever darkening roots and traded in my super blond for copper. I think I'm getting used to it. I do like the way it matches my freckles. What do you think?

Catching up

I apologize for my lack of blogging. To catch everyone up, My due date is Dec. 28th. This last week I had to go to the hospital twice to stop labor. The doctor said next time it happens they will just deliver the baby, so now I'm on bed rest with tons of time to catch up on blogging. I'm really trying to keep this baby in for at least a couple more weeks and Micah is really trying to avoid the uncomfortable hospital chairs so he's been super man, dad, husband all at once. Sadie is still not walking so Micah has been able to stay home to be with her most days. My friends have wanted to see my pregnant belly so here it is. As for the full body shot, get real people, I just went threw partial labor twice and I look like death! And now I will continue to journal all my October events here at the end of Nov. Oh well:)

sweet spoons

I love sweet little things like this! My inlaws got me these lovely measuring spoons for my birthday! They're from my favorite store, anthropologie.

The Birthday Card

You know how kids will like the box that there toy came in more than the toy? Well in this case my parents got Sadie a card that played "The Hamster Dance" when you open it and at the time she completely forgot about any birthday presents. (Don't forget to turn off my side music player before pressing play).

Sadie's 2nd Birthday

We had a fabulous Charlie and Lola party for Sadie! She had so much fun! My friend made these super cute Charlie and Lola cakes (the small one gluten free for Sadie's special diet). Sadie truly enjoyed opening her presents. She seemed to relish in each one. It was so fun to watch her. At my in laws she received numerous Charlie and Lola dolls, hand bells (Micah's favorite) and many other fun presents. Micah and I decided to get her a trampoline to help loosen up her legs, plus she loves jumping! She enjoys taking a Lola doll and jumping to music. It's so very cute!

The Dairy

My apologies for not blogging for quite sometime. We have been so completely busy, so I have much to catch up on. On this particular day we went to a little dairy farm with some friends. Sadie really enjoyed all the animals. It made me think of when I was younger and would go visit my grandparents farm every year in Oregon. As soon as I attempted to set Sadie in the hay I took in that grassy, earthy smell and all those wonderful memories came to me. The excitement of feeding the chickens their corn, baby kittens in the hay barn, baby cows Grandpa John would name after us. I wish I could make these kind of memories for Sadie. Some how I don't see Micah and I as the rancher type though. (Sigh) Oh well.

Sadie's first haircut

I finally decided to trim up Sadie's hair. She was looking a bit like a wild child with her crazy curls on top and her self made fringe (hairdresser lingo for bangs). She was so completely well behaved. I just put her in her high chair in front of an episode of Charlie and Lola and she was loving life. Oh and she insisted on holding the new comb I got out for her so that she could help me brush every so often.

Little Victories!

We have had a few rough days dealing with all this but it has been followed by a few great days. Sadie has started to try and take steps!!!!! She has gotten up to four unassisted steps! The best part is that she keeps on trying. Every time she wants to get some were she will try to take a step and then fall but it is so exciting to actually have her try on her own! It is these "little victories" that make all the hard work worth it! The people close to me know that my biggest fear in life is that I won't be a good attentive mom. I've realized that this trial really makes me be a better mom. I have no other option but to be strong and do everything I can to help my Sadie. I really think Heavenly Father gave me this trial to make me the best mom I can be for her.

Our families and friends have been so supportive. It's hard for Micah and I to ever feel alone in this when there is so much love surrounding us and for that I am so grateful. Thank you everyone for your prayers, support and your help finding me info on autism. Googling "autism" can be overwhelming sometimes so I really do love it when someones sends me a worth while link or article. Sadie's MRI and Genetic evaluation this week went fine. We won't get any results until next week but I'll keep everyone updated.

The Nuerologist

The neurologist appointment was not fun, not like I was expecting it to be anyway. I tried to prepare myself for basically not getting any more information then what I already knew. It wouldn't be fair to myself to go in there and hope for the doctor to say "oh there's nothing wrong with your perfectly beautiful child. She's going to be fine go on with life as normal". Well of course I did wish that he would say that but I did try really hard not to let myself wish. Instead I got a very blunt "Well this looks like a standard Autism case to me, but just in case we will run some tests". I have already heard from therapists that she may have autism, Micah and I have come to this realization, but when it's spelled out by a Neurologist it hurt all over again. I wanted to die right there in his cozy office chair but only for a second, I quickly realized that I can't die for numerous reasons, so the sadness is tucked away for me to feel at some other time when I'm not so busy.

Next week Sadie is having genetic testing and an MRI to rule out anything else. She has started therapy with the autism therapists 5 days a week and physical therapy twice a week. The neurologist wants me to get an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist but collectively with Sadie's therapists I've decided to wait for that until next year. I'm getting all the possible help I can get even with a diagnosis and the typical time to diagnose a child for autism is about three.

Micah and I are staying hopeful. We are dedicated to spending every moment we can on trying to pull her out of this. The hard times come when we are trying to get her to ask for something or do something and you can see it in her eyes that she is trying so hard to process it but gets so frustrated and starts to cry, so many times we look at each other and cry with her. There are little victories though and that helps get us through. She has started to say "No" to us and we have been absolutely thrilled! So far she just says "More" and "no". Last weekend we were working on "go" after "ready, set GO!" We were at my in laws blowing bubbles trying to make her say "go" to get bubbles and she started to make a noise after "ready set" it sounds more like "mo" right now but my mother in law, sister in law, Holly and I were jumping up and down in excitement! So little things like that are rewarding.

We love our Sadie and her funny little personality. I would never want to change it. I just want to help her to be able to learn and grow. For some reason heavenly father thought we could handle this challenge. I don't know why yet. I just keep receiving a feeling of peace and I know that everything is going to be just fine no matter what. I'm so grateful that there is so much being researched about autism now and there is so much help available. It is nice to not be doing all this completely by myself.

Sadie's new Chair

Sadie has been having with the laundry basket. She thought it was the greatest thing when we sat a pillow in it and let her sit and watch her shows. Of course she stoped cracking up when I busted out the camera. Why do they do that? Her new favorite show right now is "Charlie and Lola". It is absolutely the most adorable show ever! Sadie gets so excited when it comes on she jumps up and down and she giggles all throughout which makes me excited because that means she is comprehending somewhat of whats going on not to mention it's so cute when she does it. I just love the little things that make her happy.

a little Sadie update

Sadie went to her physical therapist for the first time. The place was so great, it was better then a Chucky Cheese. Sadie loved it! But the therapist said she was baffled by Sadie and couldn't figure out why she wasn't walking She said she was a "puzzle". I replied with " Yes she's my puzzle and it's my job to figure this out!". Why can't anyone have some little clue?! The therapist was super nice though and she implored me to see a neurologist so that is what we are doing next week. Maybe then I will get a piece to my puzzle.

It's a BOY!!!!!!!

We are having a boy! Yikes! I'm so excited but so surprised at the same time! My family is full of girls so this will be quite a change for me! To tell my little sisters the happy news we dropped off a pack of blue Jones soda with a big blue bow at there door. It took them a second to get it (except Jessi she got it right away) but I think they were excited. Micah's mom is bracing me for a little Micah. The crazy stories about her mischievous little boy used to be funny but now I'm scared! Well it will be fun anyway!

Colorado

Micah and I haven't taken a vacation with just our family since our Honeymoon so he came home from work one day and said lets go to Colorado! I was all about this idea, first of all because my husband has never suggested a vacation and second he served his mission there so I knew we would both enjoy it. First we stayed in Colorado Springs at a beautiful hotel called the Broadmoor. Our view was awesome. Everything about this place was awesome. It was right against the mountains. I loved staying there! If I could live at the Broadmoore I would live in Colorado Springs! We went to the Cheyenne Mountain zoo. You can get really close to the animals which was fun. Sadie fed a giraffe. She wasn't sure if she liked that or not.

Our view!!!

Happy after a long day at the zoo!

After Colorado Springs we went and stayed in Downtown Denver at this boutique hotel called Hotel Monaco. They put us in " the 60's artists suite"! We are talking beads, lava lamps and a giant peace sign! I thought it was so fabulous! Micah on the other hand was not expecting such a hippie room. He picked the hotel so there wasn't much grounds to argue. At this hotel they bring you a gold fish to be your pet during the stay. Sadie was over the moon about this! Of course we had to get her one as soon as we got home. I loved staying here, you could walk all over downtown to shops and restaurants. The city was so fun and surprisingly clean.

We went to the Denver art museum and the Natural Science museum . We tried to cram in all we could without me getting too winded being almost 5 months pregnant and all. It was a super fun trip . It was fun to see everywhere Micah lived on his mission and all the stories that went with it. I have a new appreciation for all he did there 7 years ago. Thanks for the fun vacation Love!!!